Dating, the way most people engage in it, is little more than practice for divorce. Courtship is better. Let me explain.
Courtship vs Dating
The Bible neither commands nor condemns either courtship or dating relationships prior to marriage. While there are narrative examples of courtship in the Bible (more akin to arranged marriages), there are no such examples of what much of the world and Christians would define as dating.
Dating may or may not have a future view of marriage when the relationship begins. Courtship always sees marriage as the goal.
While courtship often involves the entire family, biblical counsel from both parents and pastors, the practice of chaperoning, and either no or very limited physical contact, dating rarely has such parameters.
Christians engage in both courtship and dating, with most Christians engaging in the latter.
The Miano Family practices courtship. Two of our three daughters are now married to godly men, thus far giving me and Mahria three grandchildren.
On Tuesday, March 19, 2024, at 6:18 PM, A young man by the name of Nathan Groves asked for my youngest daughter Amanda’s hand in marriage. Of course, he asked me first. Amanda said, “Yes.”
Mahria and I, and the now-engaged couple, took in a movie at our local theater. After buying our tickets and before heading into the theater, Nathan, on bended knee, produced a ring box from his jacket pocket and popped the question. Needless to say, it was a wonderful moment.
The Test Drive
Nathan and Amanda met in October. Prior to their first meeting, which was by phone, Nathan and I spent quite a bit of time together, via video chat, getting to know each other and talking about courtship. Nathan wasn’t familiar with the practice.
To help Nathan understand the difference between dating and courtship, I shared the following parable with him.
Nathan visits a car dealership one day. I’m the sales manager and I see Nathan walk onto the lot. I notice Nathan eyeing a brand new, red, Chevy Camaro.
I give Nathan a few minutes to walk around the car before approaching him.
Nathan tells me he would like to take the car on a test drive.
Thinking I have a sale pending, I hurry into the dealership and grab the keys to the car.
I come back out and toss Nathan the keys as I approach. I make my way to the passenger door.
Nathan pauses before opening the driver’s door, looks at me, and says, “What are you doing?”
“What do you mean, ‘What am I doing?'” I reply somewhat incredulously.
“You don’t have to come with me,” Nathan declares. “I’ll be back with the car in about ten minutes.”
Thinking Nathan is joking, I chuckle and start to open the passenger door.
“No; really. It will be fine. I’d rather take it for a drive alone,” Nathan explains.
“Look; there’s no way I’m going to let you drive this brand new car off the lot, without me in the car. I’m responsible for this car. We don’t have a contract. There’s too much liability. And the owner of the dealership would kill me if I let you take the car by yourself and something happened to it,” I explain.
“The only way I’m going to buy this car is if I can test drive it by myself,” Nathan says.
I mull it over in my head. I really want the sale. So, against my better judgment, I let Nathan drive the car off the lot. As he drives away, Nathan spins the rear tires and the car fishtails just a bit.
Then, I wait. And I wait.
And I wait.
Twenty minutes go by and still no sign of Nathan and the brand new Chevy Camaro.
Several minutes later, I see the Camaro come around the corner. Nathan pulls into the lot much slower than he pulled out of it.
The car–the once shiny, red, brand new Camaro–is wrecked. Dents and scratches are all over the car. A headlight is broken.
Nathan hops out of the car, throws me the keys, and announces, “Yeah; I don’t think I want the car. I’m gonna go look at a Mustang at another lot down the street.”
“Oh, no you aren’t!” I shout. “I let you drive this car off the lot because I believed you were going to buy it. You destroyed it. You’ve got to buy it, now.”
“No thanks,” Nathan says with a smile.
“What am I going to tell the owner?” I ask.
“That’s not my problem,” Nathan dismissively says. “That’s your problem. See ya later.”
And with that, Nathan walks away, leaving me holding the keys to a destroyed car.
Parable Explained
I could tell that Nathan, a future pharmacist and a very intelligent and thoughtful, Christian young man, understood where I was going with the parable.
I reminded Nathan that he was the prospective buyer in the parable. I was the sales manager. And I told him that the new Camaro was my daughter, Amanda. He nodded his head. The owner of the car dealership? God.
I explained to Nathan that until I put Amanda’s hand into the hand of a godly man, I am the man in her life. I am responsible for her–responsible to care for her, nurture her, disciple her, and protect her. One day I will give an account before the Owner of the car dealership (God) for how I raised and cared for my daughter.
Nathan understood.
With that in mind, I told Nathan it would be irresponsible and a dereliction of my duty as a father, to simply allow him to take my daughter on a dating “test drive.” This is why Mahria and I have provided close shepherding for our daughters and future sons-in-law by practicing courtship.
Amanda met Nathan in October. Their courtship began in December. One of the first things I required of Nathan to court Amanda (as I required of my other two sons-in-law when courting my other daughters) was to read my article, “The Man Who Will Marry My Daughter.”
Amanda and Nathan were engaged just eight days ago. It looks like the two will be married sometime this summer.
We’re all filled with joy and looking forward to Amanda and Nathan beginning their lives together. Mahria and I are also trying to ready ourselves to experience an empty nest. We appreciate your prayers.
I hope you found my “test drive” parable useful.
Leave a Reply