On August 20, 2015, I posted an article titled: “American Jihadist–Not Judging by Appearances.” If you have not read the article (it’s a long one), I suggest you read it before continuing. It provides context critically important for what you’re about to read.
Okay, hopefully you made it through all of that.
I thank God that I am surrounded by godly men who provide me with multiple layers of accountability and support. I thank God that there is not a “Yes Man” among them.
Upon further review of my article and receiving counsel from my pastors and several other godly men I trust, I discovered there is still more I need to say because I have had a change of mind and heart. I need to say it for two reasons: 1) integrity demands it; 2) I only want people to follow me (if they follow me at all) or imitate me (if there is any value in doing so) to the extent I actually follow Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1).
As a deputy sheriff, when I answered a call of a man beating his wife, I had to fight off anger.
When I had to handle a call of child abuse or neglect, I had to fight off anger.
When I responded to a traffic collision in which the drunk driver who caused the collision walked away, but the person with whom they collided lost his or her life, I had to fight off anger.
When a brother or sister behind the badge was either injured or killed in the line of duty, I had to fight off anger.
Ministering outside abortuaries, something in which I have been engaged for about three years now is, for me, the most difficult form of ministry.
Threats of violence outside abortuaries are a regular occurrence, and I’ve been physically assaulted several times.
The depraved indifference of the abortuary workers, the men and women who come to the facility to murder their unborn children, and the people living in the neighborhoods surrounding the abortuaries is appalling.
I’ve seen women walk to the door of the abortuary, smiling, while motioning as if they were stabbing their abdomens with a knife.
One woman danced through the parking lot, on her way into the abortuary, joyfully yelling, “Maybe I’ll murder baby Jesus today!”
I’ve watched parents bring their young children in strollers with them to the abortuary, selfishly choosing which of their children will live, and which of their children will die.
Have you ever heard someone driving by an abortuary yell, “I wonder what the dead babies taste like!”
I have.
When I am ministering outside of an abortuary, I have to fight off anger.
There is a fine line between righteous indignation (Psalm 4:4) and sinful anger (Ecclesiastes 7:9). It is possible to be angry without sinning. And it is easy to sin by being angry.
I have fallen short of God’s glory a number of times by being sinfully angry with people while ministering outside of abortuaries.
Upon further review, after reflection, prayer, and counsel received, I think it is wrong for me to engage in characterizations like “Jihadi Jane (or John).” It does not help me to restrain my propensity to permit such things to cause me to sin in anger. Furthermore, I don’t believe using such epithets furthers my ultimate goal: glorifying Christ through the proclamation of the life-giving Gospel.
Because I struggle at times with sinful anger, I need to do a better job at staying as far away from that line between righteous indignation and sinful anger as possible. In order to accomplish that, I also have to avoid using speech that could pull me across that line. It doesn’t matter how noble the fight is. Abortuary ministry is both a noble and necessary fight. Be that as it may, I still have to fight in such a way that I never bring a reproach upon Christ.
I cannot behave or speak in a way that either sullies His great name or can be used by unbelievers as an excuse for their unbelief. Even if my Christian brethren or the enemies of Christ do not see my behavior or hear my speech as sinful, even if other Christians behaving the same way or saying the same things are not sinning by doing so, I have to follow the Holy Spirit-regenerated conscience God has given me.
I have, too many times to count, encouraged Christians and professing Christians to examine their hearts and to test themselves. Integrity and faith demands I be willing to tow the same line.
Upon further review, I stand here now.
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